If I Want My Teen to Grow, Do I Have to Grow First?

Written by Tynan Mason of Higher Grounds 

Contact a behavioral consultant team that is proven to get results for you and your family, no matter which city or state you live in, with Higher Grounds Mgmt.

Why Does Parent Growth Matter More Than Any Strategy or Program?

Many parents come to Higher Grounds Management asking what they can do to fix their teen’s behavior, motivation, attitude, or emotional struggles. While strategies, routines, and structure matter, there is a truth that often gets overlooked.

If parents do not grow, their teens’ challenges usually stay the same. This is not about blame. It is about reality. Parenting is a mirror. Teens respond less to what parents say and more to what they model. When parents are stuck in fear, avoidance, denial, or comfort seeking, teens often mirror those same patterns.

Growth cannot happen in an environment where everyone is clinging to what feels safe. Change requires movement. Movement requires discomfort.

At Higher Grounds Management, we understand that real teen growth happens through a parallel process. As teens learn new skills, parents must also learn new ways of responding. When parents shift, teens follow.

If you are feeling stuck and unsure how to move forward, support is available. Contact us today to learn how our in-home and virtual programs support both teens and parents together.

What Happens When Parents Stay in Their Comfort Zone?

Comfort zones feel safe, but they are where growth stops. When parents stay stuck in familiar behaviors, even unhealthy ones, family dynamics rarely change.

Common comfort zone patterns include:

• Avoiding difficult conversations

• Making excuses for ongoing issues

• Hoping problems will resolve on their own

• Repeating the same approaches despite no results

• Blaming schools, peers, or circumstances exclusively

• Lowering expectations instead of changing strategies

• Staying busy instead of being intentional

Comfort feels easier in the short term. In the long term, it keeps families stuck in the same cycles year after year.

You cannot unstick yourself while clinging to comfort.

Why Avoiding Hard Conversations Keeps Teens Stuck

Hard conversations create clarity. Avoiding them creates confusion.

When parents avoid addressing issues directly, teens receive mixed messages. They sense the tension but do not receive the guidance. This leads to anxiety, resistance, or disengagement.

Hard conversations include:

• Addressing accountability

• Setting and enforcing boundaries

• Talking honestly about behavior

• Naming patterns instead of minimizing them

• Acknowledging when something is not working

• Owning parental missteps

Teens often test limits not because they want chaos, but because they are searching for leadership, avoidance signals uncertainty. Leadership requires presence.

You cannot move forward while avoiding the conversations that create change.

How Do Parents Accidentally Lie to Themselves?

Self-deception is rarely intentional. It often sounds like optimism, patience, or hope.

Examples include:

• “This is just a phase.”

• “They will grow out of it.”

• “It is not that bad.”

• “We have tried everything.”

• “Now is not the right time.”

These statements protect comfort, not progress.

You cannot grow while continuing to tell yourself what feels better than what is true. Growth begins with honesty.

What Does Growth Actually Require From Parents?

1. Willingness to Feel Uncomfortable

Growth feels awkward, uncertain, and emotionally challenging. This does not mean it is wrong. It means it is new.

Parents must be willing to feel discomfort without retreating.

2. Willingness to Change Patterns

Doing more of what has not worked will not create a different outcome. Change requires new behavior.

3. Willingness to Take Ownership

Parents do not cause everything, but they influence everything. Ownership creates power.

4. Willingness to Model Accountability

Teens learn accountability by watching it in action. Owning mistakes builds credibility.

5. Willingness to Be Consistent

Real change comes from repeated action, not good intentions.

You want better. Do better. Do it consistently. But most importantly, do.

How Does Parent Growth Impact Teen Behavior?

When parents grow, teens feel it immediately. The emotional climate of the home shifts.

Teens notice when:

• Boundaries are calm and consistent

• Expectations are clear

• Emotional reactions decrease

• Accountability is followed through

• Conversations become direct and respectful

• Parents stop rescuing and start guiding

This creates safety. Safety allows teens to take risks, grow, and change.

Struggle is nothing more than growth in disguise. When parents step into the discomfort they have been avoiding, teens gain permission to do the same.

Why Teen Growth Is a Parallel Process

At Higher Grounds Management, we see this clearly. Teen change does not happen in isolation.

When parents expect teens to grow while remaining unchanged themselves, progress stalls. When parents grow alongside their teen, progress accelerates.

This parallel process includes:

• Parents learning new communication skills

• Parents practicing boundaries

• Parents regulating emotions

• Parents reducing reactivity

• Parents addressing their own blind spots

• Parents tolerating short-term discomfort for long-term growth

When parents do the work, teens no longer carry the weight alone.

How Does Higher Grounds Management Support Parent Growth?

Our in-home approach allows us to support change where it actually happens. We help parents build awareness, confidence, and skills so they can lead effectively.

We support parents with:

• Boundary setting

• Communication tools

• Emotional regulation strategies

• Accountability frameworks

• Real-time coaching

• Pattern identification

• Consistency support

• Confidence building

We do not believe parents need perfection. They need tools and support.

What If I Am Afraid of Making Things Worse?

Fear is normal. Change always carries uncertainty.

But staying the same guarantees the same outcome.

Growth may feel harder at first because systems are shifting. With support and structure, chaos settles and clarity takes its place.

Parents often report:

• Less emotional conflict

• Clearer communication

• Reduced power struggles

• Greater mutual respect

• Increased confidence

• Healthier relationships

But it starts with the parent.

What Is the First Step Toward Growth?

The first step is deciding that comfort is no longer more important than growth.

You do not need to do everything at once. You need to start.

Higher Grounds Management walks alongside parents and teens through this process so no one feels alone, overwhelmed, or blamed.

When parents grow, teens can grow too.

If you are in Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, El Segundo, Torrance, Rolling Hills, Rancho Palos Verdes, Newport Beach, Corona Del Mar or anywhere in Orange County, Higher Grounds Management is here to help. We also offer virtual support and therapy to families nationwide.

We are here to help, in your home or virtually. Contact us today to get started.

Written by Tynan Mason of Higher Grounds Management