Avoid Arguing and Power Struggles with Your Teen: A Parent's Guide from Higher Grounds Management in Torrance & Palos Verdes

Tynan Mason of Higher Grounds Management
Aug 11
2 min read

Parenting a teen can feel like walking a tightrope. One minute you're connecting, the next you're locked in a full-blown argument over screen time, curfews, or “that tone.” If you live in Torrance or Palos Verdes and find yourself stuck in daily power struggles with your teen, you’re not alone, and there’s a better way forward.

At Higher Grounds Management, we specialize in helping families build healthier communication patterns. Whether through in-home counseling or individualized teen support, we work with families across the South Bay to move past conflict and toward connection.

Here’s how to start shifting the dynamic at home.

Why Teens Argue

It’s easy to see teen defiance as rebellion, but often it’s about autonomy. Teens are in a developmental phase where they’re wired to test boundaries, assert independence, and figure out who they are. Power struggles happen when both parent and teen are trying to be “heard” at the same time, without listening to each other.

Arguments escalate when:

Parents react emotionally
Teens feel controlled or judged
There's a lack of clarity or consistency

The good news? You can sidestep these traps with a few key mindset shifts and communication tools.

5 Ways to Avoid Power Struggles with Your Teen

1. Stay Calm—Even When They’re Not

When your teen gets loud, reactive, or rude, your calm presence is the anchor they need (even if they won’t admit it).

Take a breath. Pause. Model the regulation you want to see.

Tip: If emotions are running too high, step away and say, “Let’s talk about this later when we’re both calmer.”

2. Pick Your Battles

Ask yourself: Is this about safety and well-being, or about control? Not everything is worth an argument. Letting go of the small stuff can preserve energy for the moments that matter.

Examples of what to let go:

Clothing choices
Haircuts
Room decor

3. Set Clear Boundaries—Then Hold Them with Respect

Teens thrive on structure, but they resent micromanagement. The key is to set boundaries with kindness, not control.

Instead of: “You better be home by 10!” Try: “I expect you home by 10. If you’re running late, just communicate.”

Consistency earns more respect than yelling.

4. Give Choices, Not Commands

Power struggles often come from teens feeling like they have no control. Offering options within boundaries helps them feel empowered.

For example: “You can finish homework before dinner or after, but it needs to be done by 7.” “You can choose which chore to do this week—laundry or dishes.”

5. Get Curious Instead of Reacting

Instead of immediately correcting or punishing, try asking:

“What’s going on that led to this choice?”
“How were you feeling in that moment?”

This opens the door to real dialogue and teaches your teen to reflect, without feeling attacked.

Real Support for Real Families in the South Bay

At Higher Grounds Management, we offer in-home teen counseling and family support across Torrance, Palos Verdes, and surrounding neighborhoods. Our therapists use evidence-based strategies like motivational interviewing and behavioral coaching to reduce conflict and rebuild trust at home.